New research has suggested that chocolate cake may be linked to premature mortality, a discovery that will have huge consequences for the catering industry, and for people who like to eat.
While previously thought to be harmless in moderation, it now appears that even one slice of cake can have fatal consequences. Symptoms include air strikes, missile strikes, possible ground invasion, and in extreme cases, total nuclear annihilation.
New guidelines now suggest using cupcakes instead, as according to the Surgeon General:
‘Nobody ever died from cupcakes’.
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