Nigel Farage retires with perfect record intact

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage yesterday announced his retirement from top flight politics, thereby retaining his unblemished Parliamentary election record of seven consecutive losses, making him one of the only modern day politicians to bow out with a 100% failure rate.

Speaking at a press conference, an emotional Mr. Farage had this to say:

‘Not many people spend twenty years at the top. I had my first loss in 1994, and over the next two decades managed to achieve a further six more. It is a record I’m immensely proud of, but I think now is the time to step aside and let the next generation come through’

‘My good friend Paul Nuttall has lost five in a row, so he clearly has the potential to go the distance’

‘I’d like to thank my friends and family for their unwavering support. I’d like to thank the UKIP members and activists for your hard work and dedication’

‘Most of all, I’d like to thank the British voters. None of this would have been possible without you’

‘God Save The Queen’

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