*Trump pledges to increase spending on medieval weaponry*

President Trump has today announced plans to increase spending on America’s medieval branch of the Armed Forces, promising ‘more catapults, more battering rams, and more trebuchets’.

Speaking at a press conference this afternoon, Mr. Trump had this to say:

‘Aircraft carriers and drones are all well and good, but the Chinese and Russians have those too. What they don’t have is an up-to-date fully equipped medieval army. Today I promise to invest in a new fleet of battering rams, catapults and trebuchets, which will strike fear into the hearts of our enemies, and show the world that America is now great again’.

‘Our soldiers will be issued with crossbows for ranged combat, and a mace for when it gets up close and personal’

‘Nobody will be able to match us, believe me’.

Glorious Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-Un responded to the news by vowing to increase the county’s stockpile of muskets and hand cannons, and ‘defeat the American menace once and for all’.

Full story here: http://bit.ly/2qd2SMK


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