* ‘I killed a man with my bare hands’, says Corbyn*

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has today confessed to killing a man with his bare hands. In a tearful conversation with Islington Police, Mr Corbyn revealed all:

It happened at a dinner party about twenty years ago. I got into a heated discussion about Marxist economic growth theory with an old friend of mine, and it got out of hand. He said that maybe communism needed to adapt to a competitive capitalist world, and I lost my temper. He threw a bread roll at me, and I saw red’.

‘I strangled him, stuffed the body in a suitcase, and dumped it in the Thames’.

‘I’m so sorry’.

This news comes just days after Theresa May admitted to a 1994 hit and run attack, after drinking too much Pimms at the Conservative Party conference.


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