The SNP’s star striker Alex Salmond has been ruled out for three weeks with a hamstring injury, putting the entire election campaign in doubt.
‘This couldn’t have happened at a worse time’, said manager Nicola Sturgeon.
‘We’re at the business end of the season, and we need our best players fit. We’ve got crucial matches against Labour and the Conservatives coming up, and Alex is our top goalscorer’.
‘We’re still in with a chance, but this has made things a lot more difficult. I’ve spoken to the doctors, and there’s a chance he’ll be able to come on as a sub, but there’s no way he’ll be able to play a full ninety minutes’.
‘I’ll have to put one of the youngsters up front’.
This news comes just days after Boris Johnson was stretchered off with a suspected cruciate injury, although manager Theresa May told the press ‘he will not be missed’.
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WHAT A HOOT!