Football has now overtaken Christianity as the biggest religion in Scotland, with the Archbishop of Canterbury warning of ‘a slow descent into hell’ if nothing is done to reverse the trend.
Speaking outside Lambeth Palace, Justin Welby said:
‘People of Scotland. Do not give in to temptation. Do not be taken in by the false prophets of Glasgow Rangers. Do not be seduced by unholy demons of Celtic’.
‘Do you want to spend an eternity in the fiery pits of hell?’
‘Let me make this clear. Jesus was not a football fan. He was a cricket fan. Your only chance of salvation is to make a pilgrimage to Lord’s and repent of your sins’.
‘Only then can you be saved’.
‘By the way, Satan was a Manchester United fan’.
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WHAT A HOOT!